DO NOT MASTURBATE DIRECTLY AFTER CHOPPING JALAPENOS
NO. DON’T FUCKING DO IT. DO NOT FUCKING HANDLE UR DICK AFTER TOUCHING JALEPENOS.
SO HELP ME GOD. YOU WILL HAVE A JALAPENIS
Every woman has mastered this. We are actually born with this skill.
You level up when you can do it with long sleeves
I was the only girl on an all-boys varsity soccer team. I had to change on the bus during away games because I didn’t have a locker room at other schools. I was not uncomfortable with that, actually. I did what I had to.
But one day I noticed that like three guys who were seniors were just staring at me as I did this and I must have shot them a dirty look because one of them (who is actually a family friend) was like “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare, but we’re still trying to figure out how the hell girls do that” and I just felt bad. They just want to get their girlfriend’s bra off without losing an eye and we can remove the whole thing like fucking wizards
i told my mom about this post and she went ‘wait, you can do it with long sleeves? um, i’ll be right back’
i’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it badly enough that it’s not funny anymore
thank god my burning hatred for humanity keeps me warm throughout these cold winter months
One time this girl I know posted on facebook that she wanted donuts and more than one guy brought donuts to her house. That’s my dream.
Taylor Swift has dated 14 boys in the last 4 years. If not for the sheer number of boys, this might be unremarkable. But dear reader, look closer: what is 14 divided by 4? 3 and a half. Every year, Taylor Swift dates 3 and a half boys. Where are the other halves, Taylor? It just doesn’t add up.
my favorite method of studying is crying a little and hoping for the best right before the test